Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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