Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
