A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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