Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize