we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i want to swaddle you in tequila
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
