She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
