He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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