You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
