Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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