So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
