My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
