he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
