I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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