you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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