I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Welp...herpes.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
