I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
