are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
