You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
