I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
