Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i already hear my dad disowning me
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i wish my penis had a tongue
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize