I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
