DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
