He disabled his match.com account in front of me
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
