I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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