You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
