the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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