soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
