Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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