We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
