Someone shit on the floor
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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