My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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