ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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