I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
