It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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