She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize