Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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