i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
