I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
