Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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