The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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