She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
