I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
