tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
