My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
