How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
