um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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