Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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