my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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