the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You may now shotgun with the bride
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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