Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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