I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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