Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
