i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
