Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
