with your own penis?
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
