"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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