Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
