i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I can text with my tongue
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Randomize
