i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
