you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
