How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
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